Jesus loves me and all that I am, and that's a pretty amazing thing. I am not a good girl.
I am bossy, I am rude.
I am selfish, I am crude.
I'm sacrastic and ironic
some would say I'm quite iconic
of a foul mouthed comedienne upon the stage.
I'm unmerciful and angry
Less than gracious and I must say
prone to unrelenting bouts of mindless rage.
I am prideful. I am vain
I am heartless. I complain.
Apathetic and Disdain
Is a look I wear quite often on my face...
But sometimes...
Sometimes I am thoughtful
Sometimes I am sweet
Sometimes when you see me
It's compassion that you meet.
I am caring and empathetic
Patient, kind and sympathetic
Gracious, humble, giving,
Gentle, mild, meek.
But this side can only surface,
When I set aside the curses
And let the fleshly side of me go weak.
If at anytime anything
I do or say means anything
Is when you are seeing Jesus live through me.
I am shallow, He is depth
I am dead, He gives me breath
He is glory, I am pain
He's the reason I am sane.
He is truth and I am lies
He hears melody in my cries
to Him as I seek wisdom to be holy.
And if ever you find meaning
in anything that I am doing
Know you're witnessing the beauty
Of Jesus doing it through me.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Alone again, Unnaturally...
Let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Jenny (Gehni) and I am a wife, mother of three (soon to be four) and recently, begrudgingly, the owner of some sort of little dog. (Where's that dog snatching, wicked witch when you need her?) I will be thirty in June, and hopefully shortly after we will be moving to Alabama. I say hopefully because for the time being, my husband of 7 years works third shift and with the move comes a first shift upgrade. Which actually brings me to the point of this blog. At least it's intentions. I have a great habit of randomly flying off topic and what I set out to have is often geared up to end as something quite altogether different. If this happens, bear with me.
Anywho, at the risk of sounding like a total waa-waa poo-poo head, I miss my husband. He has been a night shifter the majority of our marriage and my tolerance for the whole deal is starting to collapse in on itself. Now let me pause here to say that yes; I am VERY grateful that my husband has a steady income. I am grateful that he is willing to work harder in order to provide better and I LOVE that I can stay home and nurture my children in these early years. (5, 3 & 18months) That being said, being the wife of a third shifter SUCKS!
Blame the preggo hormones, or the long run of recent days on end where the most I get from my husband is a quick "Love ya, hon" as he's out the door for his first shift, second job, but I have found myself needing some sort of reassurance that I am not the only lonely in my position. My search for 3rd shift spouses turned up pretty bland. Most with no children and often they were just beginning their long journey into "as the lonely moon wanes" running through their head, cold beds and the years of compensating for their children's sake.
After 7 years, then optimism seems further and further out of grasp as you find yourself in bed with your ever present pursuer, cynicism.
Now before this turns into a "me" party I have to say that I feel bad for my husband. He works harder than ANY man I have ever met. He is sweet, kind, compassionate, romantic, selfless (should I keep going?) honest, nurturing, and the most AWESOME father ever! I love him to bits and I wish he could be home more. I know this is hard on him and I try to not weight him down with my woe-is-me's as often as I can. I guess what I am looking for are other moms, like me, who truly love their husbands and their families, who have been doing this a long time, who feel like they have had enough but know they can't do a damn thing to change it, to come on over and feel it with me. I'm lonely and I feel like no one gets it. All I get is, " well at least your not..." or " Thank God for..." or " hang in there!" Those are nice things to say, but you can only keep that mantra for so long before the next person who tells you " Chin Up!" is, in your world, asking for a shove in dirt. Of course, I would never do it, but have you ever thought of that? They be all like, " Oh! Why'd you do that?!" and you'd say something cool like, 'That's how I roll! Don't start none, won't be none!" Obviously making no sense, but who would argue with you?
Anyway, if anyone reading this actually 'gets it" please post something. Anything. it would be nice to hear from you.
~J
Anywho, at the risk of sounding like a total waa-waa poo-poo head, I miss my husband. He has been a night shifter the majority of our marriage and my tolerance for the whole deal is starting to collapse in on itself. Now let me pause here to say that yes; I am VERY grateful that my husband has a steady income. I am grateful that he is willing to work harder in order to provide better and I LOVE that I can stay home and nurture my children in these early years. (5, 3 & 18months) That being said, being the wife of a third shifter SUCKS!
Blame the preggo hormones, or the long run of recent days on end where the most I get from my husband is a quick "Love ya, hon" as he's out the door for his first shift, second job, but I have found myself needing some sort of reassurance that I am not the only lonely in my position. My search for 3rd shift spouses turned up pretty bland. Most with no children and often they were just beginning their long journey into "as the lonely moon wanes" running through their head, cold beds and the years of compensating for their children's sake.
After 7 years, then optimism seems further and further out of grasp as you find yourself in bed with your ever present pursuer, cynicism.
Now before this turns into a "me" party I have to say that I feel bad for my husband. He works harder than ANY man I have ever met. He is sweet, kind, compassionate, romantic, selfless (should I keep going?) honest, nurturing, and the most AWESOME father ever! I love him to bits and I wish he could be home more. I know this is hard on him and I try to not weight him down with my woe-is-me's as often as I can. I guess what I am looking for are other moms, like me, who truly love their husbands and their families, who have been doing this a long time, who feel like they have had enough but know they can't do a damn thing to change it, to come on over and feel it with me. I'm lonely and I feel like no one gets it. All I get is, " well at least your not..." or " Thank God for..." or " hang in there!" Those are nice things to say, but you can only keep that mantra for so long before the next person who tells you " Chin Up!" is, in your world, asking for a shove in dirt. Of course, I would never do it, but have you ever thought of that? They be all like, " Oh! Why'd you do that?!" and you'd say something cool like, 'That's how I roll! Don't start none, won't be none!" Obviously making no sense, but who would argue with you?
Anyway, if anyone reading this actually 'gets it" please post something. Anything. it would be nice to hear from you.
~J
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