I admit, I am a very impatient person. This probably is my main flaw when it comes to raising four children. But as similar I am to a two year old in this, I am notably better than I used to be. My goal is to be at least as patient as a seven year old by the time my kids are in college. Anyway, I, like many mothers, find myself cruising the internet for other moms and their blogs, posts, forums and whatnot. What I have noticed is that there are a lot of mommy's out there who have either an enourmous well of tolerance for their children or they are all big fat liars. Let's just say for the sake of this blog that they are in fact patient saints of motherhood and I am the anomally ( which I am sure in some sense is exactly the case). First; how does one gain such a skill and second; is it always the best way to handle every situation? Here's the most recent example:
A woman had blogged how she has two boys, a one year old and a four and a half year old. While she is changing her one year old's diaper she discovers that it is poop city and her kid in in windmill mode flinging poo all over the two of them. Gross I know, but most mommies have been in this situation we just keep it on the DL. At least I do. It's best we don't relive the day to day traumas of early childrearing and let them slip into the bliss of forgetfulness. How else do you think I ended up with four children? Anyway, while this woman is dealing with her doodie debauchle, her four year old is in the room screaming, crying, and DEMANDING that she turn around and look him in the eye while he tells her this importnant story. She explains that he is stomping his feet and yelling "Look at me! Look at me!" and she is very 'annoyed'. Annoyed? Annoyed is what I am when I realize there isn't any toilet paper on the roll after I have already peed. Not when my child has lost their friggin mind and is hurling demands at me. This lady says she quietly finishes the diaper changing then turns to her four year old and 'sharply' says, 'what is it?' then her kid says " I have a booger on my finger".
Now, part of me is thinking this lady is full of it. How could it have gone that way? No woman would just keep quiet while her kid flips out on her like that especially when she is being pummeled with poo. But then I think that maybe that is exactly what happened and that it is probably what always happens which is why her four year old thinks it is acceptable to behave that way. So this is why I ask the question is patience always practical? What is she teaching her child by 'keeping her cool'? I'm not saying we should all get gangster on our kids when ever they throw a fit, I'm just saying that a situation like this would never fly in my house. If my four 1/2 year old threw a tantrum for any reason, it would not be met with silence. IF my child had the nerve to scream at me at four years of age, this is how it would have went down:
Poo flinging begins, four year old starts to scream. Make sure baby is secure, decide to deal with poo later as four year old tantrum takes presidence. Promptly snatch that bay-bay up, swat his/her butt, say something like, " You will NOT talk to mommy like that; take your crazy ass somewhere for awhile; have you lost your mind?; Have you forgotten who I am?" something along those lines and the kid would be placed somewhere away from me while I return to the diaper issue.
You see, in my mind poo happens. Tantrums don't. I would rather scrub my carpet and correct a behavior than I would contain a mess while letting my child go nuts. In the long run I am benifiting my child by teaching them that there are certain ways to behave. Character is what parenting is all about to me. Messes can be cleaned at anytime, but discipline should be immediate. Maybe by not losing her cool she was teaching her child about patience and self control. But then again maybe, and more likely, she was showing her children how much abuse she will take and that they are the ones in control. That they can act like little crazy buttholes and they won't get into trouble. I say more than likely because she has a four and a half year old who is screaming, crying and demanding an eye to eye conversation about a booger on his finger. So yeah, maybe I'm a bit harsh and maybe I could gleen some insight on parenting from mothers a bit more patient than me but it all comes down to; I'm a mother, not a chump and no child of mine is going to grow up thinking that they don't have to respect the authorities in their lives. The first lesson of this is always the mother. If my kids are jerks to me, they are gonna be jerks to every other authority they meet, including God. So yeah, mommy don't play dat. Besides, if I have jerkwad kids, they are going to raise even worse jerkwads kids and I don't want to be granny in that situation. I consider the discipline today as an investment in my grandchildren. Granny don't play dat either.
