Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Taking the leap
And here we are, finally, in Alabama. Newest baby is 3 weeks old and we traveled here two weeks ago to stay with my brother and his family to get Brian's facility going. We're settling in ok, but I am unsettled about the whole thing. Brian and I prayed about this move, and I truely feel it is an answer to our prayers, but the waiting and the unknown...it's hard. We have had over 20 showings of our house in Ohio since the end of June and no offers. I'm wondering what God's plan is. I have a hard time not thinking whether we made the right choice or not. Is our house not selling a sign that we shouldn't have moved? Or is it merely a continued opportunity to show I trust God? And by worrying about it am I truely trusting? It all seems right, but if it is, why isn't it happening? We need to sell the house in order to buy a new one, and until that happens we are here indefinatly. I guess I just miss having a home of my own. I feel stuck. it's the best case, worst case scenario and I am glad to be here instead of in Ohio with Brian traveling. My brother and his family have been the best, but I am homesick. I pray that I can learn what God is trying to teach me quickly, and not complain and doubt my way into a 40 year wander in the desert. =) Pray for me and my family that we focus on God's goodness and not the plans we have made for ourselves.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I got this email today...
Thank You - Heartbeat Bill and more... Ohio Protects Life
| June 28, 2011 - News Brief: Today the Ohio House of Representatives passed Sub HB 125 Ohio's HEARTBEAT BILL (54-43), a historic bill to prohibit abortion of unborn babies once a heartbeat is detected, as early as 6-9 weeks gestation. The bill now to the Senate for consideration and vote. The House of Representatives also passed two additional significant pro-life bills: HB 78 post-viability abortion ban restricting abortion of unborn babies after 20 weeks gestation. HB 79 prohibiting coverage of abortion in state health insurance exchanges established under the federal healthcare reform bill. Thank you to the legislators and all across Ohio and beyond who supported these critical efforts. Updates and further information to follow as this legislation progresses. |
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Grump-o-tron 3000...powering down.
Ever feel like all you ever hear all day long is, "Blah, Blah, Blah!" only to realize, with sudden horror it has been coming from your own mouth? Sigh, I feel like I'm turning into this lady.
Although, I admit my hot rollers never come out so clean. I spent most of my day grumping around because, well, I'm not sure why. I had to clean and my family decided to spend the majority of the day in front of the T.V.. How dare they relax and do nothing while I scrubbed dishes and swept floors? Where was my day off? When could I sit and veg out, nodding off every now and again only to wake up to a clean house and a hot meal? ...then it dawned on me. I was being selfish. My sister told me she once heard a man say, 'People often ask how can they tell if the have a servants' heart. I ask them, how do you act when someone treats you like one?' Hmm....I definitely DO NOT have a servants heart. So sad. If I cannot serve my family, those I love the most, with joy then how can I be expected to serve anyone else? How am I pleasing God? I doubt Jesus would be so grumpy if He had dishes to do. I love my family. I want them to have the best that I can give. I want them to have a clean home and yummy food, and to know that I love them. What good is a labor of love if it isn't given in a very loving way? So thanks dishes( you horrible, stinking, ever growing pile) for showing me how easily I can slip out of the will of God. And thank you Holy Spirit for gently guiding me back.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
This time of year.
I found a book today. It belonged to my dad. I was compelled to trace my fingers down the edge of one page, knowing at one time his hands touched the same one. I wondered, did I cross his mind while he read this? At one point did he ever look up from these pages and wonder where we were? What we were doing? I don't know, maybe it's silly but I always try to not think of him this time of year. But I always do. I've never even seen his grave. I went to the funeral, but not to the plot. I don't know why. I don't know why I've never been back to see it since. Sometimes it's really hard being human.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
@#$%&!*
What did you get for your birthday this year? Me? Oh you know, exactly what I wanted! I hefty dose of Neurosis via my mom. What girl doesn't want her mom telling her she is venomous, spiteful and pointlessly sadistic for her 30th? Oh man, when I look back on all the birthday gifts from the past, I cringe to think of how many I have wasted now that I know what a REAL birthday gift is all about. And to top it all off, she told me I have severe emotional problems and I should seek therapy and stay out of her life! Isn't it great? It's like the gift that keeps on giving. I'm sure I'll be feeling this one for a long time to come.
So what's the secret to getting such a fabulous gift? I'm not sure if I should say. I mean, if everybody started getting what I got, then next year my mom will have to top this year and I gotta admit, that'll be tough. Ok, you broke me, I'll tell you. Just tell her the truth. Tell your mom that she shouldn't always expect the worst out of you. Tell her she should be more involved as a mother and grandma. Go ahead! You'll thank me later. Now this might not work for everybody. First you have to go through 15 or so years of agonizing emotional trauma which includes 3-4 years of complete parental abandonment, (meaning you don't lay eyes on each other during this time for reasons unknown or unnecessary to explain) backbiting and gossip, and countless, unfruitful attempts at trying to bridge the gap between reality and lala land. (Which obviously your mother has to live in order for this to work) I know it sounds like a lot, but trust me, in order to get the results I did today, you'll have to do it. And believe me, it's worth it! Have fun!
So what's the secret to getting such a fabulous gift? I'm not sure if I should say. I mean, if everybody started getting what I got, then next year my mom will have to top this year and I gotta admit, that'll be tough. Ok, you broke me, I'll tell you. Just tell her the truth. Tell your mom that she shouldn't always expect the worst out of you. Tell her she should be more involved as a mother and grandma. Go ahead! You'll thank me later. Now this might not work for everybody. First you have to go through 15 or so years of agonizing emotional trauma which includes 3-4 years of complete parental abandonment, (meaning you don't lay eyes on each other during this time for reasons unknown or unnecessary to explain) backbiting and gossip, and countless, unfruitful attempts at trying to bridge the gap between reality and lala land. (Which obviously your mother has to live in order for this to work) I know it sounds like a lot, but trust me, in order to get the results I did today, you'll have to do it. And believe me, it's worth it! Have fun!
Monday, June 13, 2011
I live a life of luxury.
I had ice cream today and I took a long, hot bath.
My family had chicken and potatoes for dinner
and I neither farmed nor butchered either.
I live a life of luxury.
I brush my teeth each day.
My children will never get smallpox or measles
the flu or chicken pox.
I live a life of luxury.
I have a diamond on my finger.
I have more than one pair of shoes
and my clothes are never torn.
I live a life of luxury.
My home is cooled and heated.
It has a foundation, two floors and many rooms.
My drinking water and my sewer are separately contained.
I live a life of luxury.
I have perfume and soap. Lipgloss and blush.
I have a flowers just for fun.
There's a park just down the street where my kids are safe to play.
I live a life of luxury.
Pray for a heart of gratitude.
A content heart is a glad heart.
Peace comes when you know God has you in the palm of His hand
and He has provided abundantly for all of us.
Praise Him and be blessed.
My family had chicken and potatoes for dinner
and I neither farmed nor butchered either.
I live a life of luxury.
I brush my teeth each day.
My children will never get smallpox or measles
the flu or chicken pox.
I live a life of luxury.
I have a diamond on my finger.
I have more than one pair of shoes
and my clothes are never torn.
I live a life of luxury.
My home is cooled and heated.
It has a foundation, two floors and many rooms.
My drinking water and my sewer are separately contained.
I live a life of luxury.
I have perfume and soap. Lipgloss and blush.
I have a flowers just for fun.
There's a park just down the street where my kids are safe to play.
I live a life of luxury.
Pray for a heart of gratitude.
A content heart is a glad heart.
Peace comes when you know God has you in the palm of His hand
and He has provided abundantly for all of us.
Praise Him and be blessed.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Foot in Mouth syndrome and sweet revelation.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID{EA399CE5-F7F0-4486-8278-9362CA9C080C}
God is always throwing me little punches to the gut, and I am grateful for them.
I was listening to a radio program today ( link above) entitled "Hope in the midst of infertility" As I have many friends who face this daily, after listening to this program I have to say, "I am sorry!" I cannot believe some of the things these women mentioned, that I have done, that they say have totally torn them apart. As we try to be encouraging, often times we may come off quite the opposite. I would encourage everyone to take a listen to these women's stories.
What came to my attention the most is when one women was describing an experience she had in her small bible group. She was saying how she would sit and listen to one pregnancy announcement after another, one birth announcement after another trying to keep her game face on. I felt so sad for her because I know I have sat in my small bible groups and announced my pregnancies and never really realized how jarring that could be to the lady struggling right next to me. But what really hit home was when she talked about the women who would complain. Now, we all know how difficult pregnancy can be, but this woman was just biting her tongue, trying not to shout, "REALLY?? I'll trade you!"
Man oh man. I am a WHINY pregnant lady. I complain to anyone who will listen. I'll complain to people who won't listen! I'll just talk 'at' them and care less if they heard one word. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with James. I was mad. I wasn't looking forward to being pregnant again. I had just lost my baby weight from Charlotte, I had bought new clothes, I had a new job.(All selfish reasons) Life was right where I wanted it to be. Then here came a pregnancy that I wasn't 'mentally prepared' for and I whined. To everybody. It seems so foolish now. I was so caught up in my own cry-baby fest that I never stopped to think of who was listening to my words. Who was struggling to conceive, and here I had by 'accident' and had the nerve to complain. I am sure there were many women in my circle of friends who wanted to strangle me. (infertile or not) It's funny how easily the Devil can slip blinders on us and keep us from seeing how blessed we are, or how we can miss an opportunity to be compassionate. I could have been a blessing instead of focusing on how poorly Gods plans fit in with mine. And of course now, I couldn't live without my sweet baby James. I keep thinking how foolish and heartless I must have seemed. It's like complaining about your steak dinner to a person who hasn't eaten in a week. So I am sorry to all my dear, sweet ladies who have this heartbreaking cross to carry. I am sorry if my words ever made you feel like punching me, and I am grateful you had the class to not actually do it! = ) I hope I can be forgiven, and prayerfully be an encouragement to you in the future.
God is always throwing me little punches to the gut, and I am grateful for them.
I was listening to a radio program today ( link above) entitled "Hope in the midst of infertility" As I have many friends who face this daily, after listening to this program I have to say, "I am sorry!" I cannot believe some of the things these women mentioned, that I have done, that they say have totally torn them apart. As we try to be encouraging, often times we may come off quite the opposite. I would encourage everyone to take a listen to these women's stories.
What came to my attention the most is when one women was describing an experience she had in her small bible group. She was saying how she would sit and listen to one pregnancy announcement after another, one birth announcement after another trying to keep her game face on. I felt so sad for her because I know I have sat in my small bible groups and announced my pregnancies and never really realized how jarring that could be to the lady struggling right next to me. But what really hit home was when she talked about the women who would complain. Now, we all know how difficult pregnancy can be, but this woman was just biting her tongue, trying not to shout, "REALLY?? I'll trade you!"
Man oh man. I am a WHINY pregnant lady. I complain to anyone who will listen. I'll complain to people who won't listen! I'll just talk 'at' them and care less if they heard one word. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with James. I was mad. I wasn't looking forward to being pregnant again. I had just lost my baby weight from Charlotte, I had bought new clothes, I had a new job.(All selfish reasons) Life was right where I wanted it to be. Then here came a pregnancy that I wasn't 'mentally prepared' for and I whined. To everybody. It seems so foolish now. I was so caught up in my own cry-baby fest that I never stopped to think of who was listening to my words. Who was struggling to conceive, and here I had by 'accident' and had the nerve to complain. I am sure there were many women in my circle of friends who wanted to strangle me. (infertile or not) It's funny how easily the Devil can slip blinders on us and keep us from seeing how blessed we are, or how we can miss an opportunity to be compassionate. I could have been a blessing instead of focusing on how poorly Gods plans fit in with mine. And of course now, I couldn't live without my sweet baby James. I keep thinking how foolish and heartless I must have seemed. It's like complaining about your steak dinner to a person who hasn't eaten in a week. So I am sorry to all my dear, sweet ladies who have this heartbreaking cross to carry. I am sorry if my words ever made you feel like punching me, and I am grateful you had the class to not actually do it! = ) I hope I can be forgiven, and prayerfully be an encouragement to you in the future.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
30 on 30
So, I am turning thirty next month and I thought I would make a list of reasons why it's completely awesome.
1.) I have finally realized that fishnet stockings don't count as an everyday fashion essential.
2.) I no longer drop the F* bomb, the S* bomb or the C* bomb in normal conversation.
3.) Enough time has passed where I can safely say I did NOT peak in high school. (secret worst fear)
4.)I no longer use the phrase, "What is this, High school?", knowing now it's only something babies say to sound more 'adult'
5.) My thong collection is slowly dwindling.
6.) I don't get 'back'ne.
7.) The 'old lady' looks I get from 19 year olds will never sting quite as much as the ' you're such a baby' looks I give them.
8.) When I roll down my car window and yell at the neighborhood kids ( can't you see a car's coming? Quit picking on that little boy! You better get home, it's dark outside!) they actually listen to me.
9.) When my bills come in the mail, I know they are going to get paid.
10.) I hate fun parties.
11.) I can enjoy a night in without feeling lame.
12.) My butt keeps getting bigger, but that's ok, I'm married. Brian told me not to let my butt get any smaller. He has NO idea what he has just unleashed! FEED ME SEYMOUR!!
13.) I can actually make that last joke and anyone in my age bracket will get it.
14.) I don't own any pants/shorts with words written across the butt. (I always thought having 'juicy' on your butt seemed like you had some sort of stomach bug. GROSS!)
15.) I have more fun now making fun of teenagers, then I did then making fun of old people.
16.) I actually go to the mall with purpose instead of wandering around acting like I do.
17.) I haven't been to Hot Topic in years.
18.) I have escaped my 20's without any tattoo's or bizarre piercings.
19.) 'House parties' are now Dora and Ariel themed and no longer end in me puking and dodging 'creepers' in the hall way.( I get it, I'm drunk, but not THAT drunk)
20.) I no longer drink. ( HUGE plus!)
21.) I haven't said 'Dude' in years. ( at least not seriously)
22.) I'm not young enough to think that ridiculous shaggy bowl, duck butt, hair thingy little boys are doing lately is cute. (should I say it? yeah, I will) CUT YOUR HAIR YA HIPPIE!!!
23.) I think church is fun.
24.) I no longer consider' butt grinding' dancing.
25.) I care about what my elders have to say, knowing one day I'll actually use their advice.
26.) I've realized not everyone actually cares what I have to say and I don't need to dominate every conversation.
27.) I don't have to be crude to be entertaining.
28.) I see the beauty in Modesty.
29.) I have a breathtakingly beautiful family, lead by the world's most wonderful man. ( How I landed him, I'll never know!)
30.) I know that God is first in all things, and I am old enough to be OK with that. To serve Him is a blessing.
I've spent my whole life pretending to be what I now authentically am. An adult. Why be upset? 30 years. What a blessing to be here in this place at this time, knowing and loving the people I do. I fully accept what God has planned for me, and I hope my next 10 years will be full of more growth, more love, and a deeper understanding of God.
Upcoming posts: Why I hate being 30. Due to arrive June, 15th.
1.) I have finally realized that fishnet stockings don't count as an everyday fashion essential.
2.) I no longer drop the F* bomb, the S* bomb or the C* bomb in normal conversation.
3.) Enough time has passed where I can safely say I did NOT peak in high school. (secret worst fear)
4.)I no longer use the phrase, "What is this, High school?", knowing now it's only something babies say to sound more 'adult'
5.) My thong collection is slowly dwindling.
6.) I don't get 'back'ne.
7.) The 'old lady' looks I get from 19 year olds will never sting quite as much as the ' you're such a baby' looks I give them.
8.) When I roll down my car window and yell at the neighborhood kids ( can't you see a car's coming? Quit picking on that little boy! You better get home, it's dark outside!) they actually listen to me.
9.) When my bills come in the mail, I know they are going to get paid.
10.) I hate fun parties.
11.) I can enjoy a night in without feeling lame.
12.) My butt keeps getting bigger, but that's ok, I'm married. Brian told me not to let my butt get any smaller. He has NO idea what he has just unleashed! FEED ME SEYMOUR!!
13.) I can actually make that last joke and anyone in my age bracket will get it.
14.) I don't own any pants/shorts with words written across the butt. (I always thought having 'juicy' on your butt seemed like you had some sort of stomach bug. GROSS!)
15.) I have more fun now making fun of teenagers, then I did then making fun of old people.
16.) I actually go to the mall with purpose instead of wandering around acting like I do.
17.) I haven't been to Hot Topic in years.
18.) I have escaped my 20's without any tattoo's or bizarre piercings.
19.) 'House parties' are now Dora and Ariel themed and no longer end in me puking and dodging 'creepers' in the hall way.( I get it, I'm drunk, but not THAT drunk)
20.) I no longer drink. ( HUGE plus!)
21.) I haven't said 'Dude' in years. ( at least not seriously)
22.) I'm not young enough to think that ridiculous shaggy bowl, duck butt, hair thingy little boys are doing lately is cute. (should I say it? yeah, I will) CUT YOUR HAIR YA HIPPIE!!!
23.) I think church is fun.
24.) I no longer consider' butt grinding' dancing.
25.) I care about what my elders have to say, knowing one day I'll actually use their advice.
26.) I've realized not everyone actually cares what I have to say and I don't need to dominate every conversation.
27.) I don't have to be crude to be entertaining.
28.) I see the beauty in Modesty.
29.) I have a breathtakingly beautiful family, lead by the world's most wonderful man. ( How I landed him, I'll never know!)
30.) I know that God is first in all things, and I am old enough to be OK with that. To serve Him is a blessing.
I've spent my whole life pretending to be what I now authentically am. An adult. Why be upset? 30 years. What a blessing to be here in this place at this time, knowing and loving the people I do. I fully accept what God has planned for me, and I hope my next 10 years will be full of more growth, more love, and a deeper understanding of God.
Upcoming posts: Why I hate being 30. Due to arrive June, 15th.
Monday, May 2, 2011
More whining and pining...
So, I'm going a little bit bonkers being stuck inside this house without my husband for the last several weeks. Brian works nights and so my time is often spent waiting for him to wake up. For years we have had barely 10 hours a week together to cram in errands, family time, friend time and the occasional "adult" time. He leaves for work before the kids are in bed, so I literally have alone time with him every seven days. Staying home with three children often leaves our schedules completely opposite. Which means by the time he is awake and ready for the day,I am drifting lazily into sleepy town. My social life is poops too, since my only chance to get out of the house without my kids is when he is home & awake, which means I have to choose between seeing my husband or my friends. Obviously, hubby trumps..well..EVERYTHING!
What makes the last few weeks so crummy is that on top of him now having to go into work 2 hours earlier ( getting home @ the same time)iIs that he has recently taken a second job to bring in some extra money. Now, God bless him, I know he is doing this for our benefit but now all the 'free' time he had is now being eaten up by this other job. In the last three weeks I have seen him honestly about 15 minutes during the day (long enough for him to eat a bowl of cereal) and then he is gone the rest of the day & night. To top it off, his car is not working so he has been taking mine and we can't go anywhere. AND our backyard is covered in deck debris from when he tore down our old one so my kids can't go outside to play. Ever try keeping a kid inside the first couple weeks of spring after a long winter? Especially when you have a trampoline that is just DYING to be jumped on? Try it! It is invigorating!
Anyway, so I try to find some helpful tips online that could possibly keep my from drowning in this hole of lonesome momminess, and do you know what I find? Oh all sorts of great things! Like, 'try a new hairstyle'. Or 'read a book'. "Mending' or 'clean out your closets'. REALLY?!?!?! THIS is what we should be doing to break up the monotony of being a stay at home mom? Are we to assume that our brains have been so massively under-stimulated and by some weird pseudo evolution,so horrifically adapted to housework that these ideas are considered 'Boredom Busters'? Holy-crap is it THAT bad? It was pretty depressing honestly. I gotta say before I had kids, darning a sock was never my idea of a poppin' Friday night and I can't see the appeal now after I have had three.
So what do I do? I'm looking for some companionship. Having an eye-to-eye conversation with someone I don't tower over. I don't know, maybe share a laugh with someone whose butt I've never wiped. Is that too much to ask? ...anyone?
What makes the last few weeks so crummy is that on top of him now having to go into work 2 hours earlier ( getting home @ the same time)iIs that he has recently taken a second job to bring in some extra money. Now, God bless him, I know he is doing this for our benefit but now all the 'free' time he had is now being eaten up by this other job. In the last three weeks I have seen him honestly about 15 minutes during the day (long enough for him to eat a bowl of cereal) and then he is gone the rest of the day & night. To top it off, his car is not working so he has been taking mine and we can't go anywhere. AND our backyard is covered in deck debris from when he tore down our old one so my kids can't go outside to play. Ever try keeping a kid inside the first couple weeks of spring after a long winter? Especially when you have a trampoline that is just DYING to be jumped on? Try it! It is invigorating!
Anyway, so I try to find some helpful tips online that could possibly keep my from drowning in this hole of lonesome momminess, and do you know what I find? Oh all sorts of great things! Like, 'try a new hairstyle'. Or 'read a book'. "Mending' or 'clean out your closets'. REALLY?!?!?! THIS is what we should be doing to break up the monotony of being a stay at home mom? Are we to assume that our brains have been so massively under-stimulated and by some weird pseudo evolution,so horrifically adapted to housework that these ideas are considered 'Boredom Busters'? Holy-crap is it THAT bad? It was pretty depressing honestly. I gotta say before I had kids, darning a sock was never my idea of a poppin' Friday night and I can't see the appeal now after I have had three.
So what do I do? I'm looking for some companionship. Having an eye-to-eye conversation with someone I don't tower over. I don't know, maybe share a laugh with someone whose butt I've never wiped. Is that too much to ask? ...anyone?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Just a thought...
Jesus loves me and all that I am, and that's a pretty amazing thing. I am not a good girl.
I am bossy, I am rude.
I am selfish, I am crude.
I'm sacrastic and ironic
some would say I'm quite iconic
of a foul mouthed comedienne upon the stage.
I'm unmerciful and angry
Less than gracious and I must say
prone to unrelenting bouts of mindless rage.
I am prideful. I am vain
I am heartless. I complain.
Apathetic and Disdain
Is a look I wear quite often on my face...
But sometimes...
Sometimes I am thoughtful
Sometimes I am sweet
Sometimes when you see me
It's compassion that you meet.
I am caring and empathetic
Patient, kind and sympathetic
Gracious, humble, giving,
Gentle, mild, meek.
But this side can only surface,
When I set aside the curses
And let the fleshly side of me go weak.
If at anytime anything
I do or say means anything
Is when you are seeing Jesus live through me.
I am shallow, He is depth
I am dead, He gives me breath
He is glory, I am pain
He's the reason I am sane.
He is truth and I am lies
He hears melody in my cries
to Him as I seek wisdom to be holy.
And if ever you find meaning
in anything that I am doing
Know you're witnessing the beauty
Of Jesus doing it through me.
I am bossy, I am rude.
I am selfish, I am crude.
I'm sacrastic and ironic
some would say I'm quite iconic
of a foul mouthed comedienne upon the stage.
I'm unmerciful and angry
Less than gracious and I must say
prone to unrelenting bouts of mindless rage.
I am prideful. I am vain
I am heartless. I complain.
Apathetic and Disdain
Is a look I wear quite often on my face...
But sometimes...
Sometimes I am thoughtful
Sometimes I am sweet
Sometimes when you see me
It's compassion that you meet.
I am caring and empathetic
Patient, kind and sympathetic
Gracious, humble, giving,
Gentle, mild, meek.
But this side can only surface,
When I set aside the curses
And let the fleshly side of me go weak.
If at anytime anything
I do or say means anything
Is when you are seeing Jesus live through me.
I am shallow, He is depth
I am dead, He gives me breath
He is glory, I am pain
He's the reason I am sane.
He is truth and I am lies
He hears melody in my cries
to Him as I seek wisdom to be holy.
And if ever you find meaning
in anything that I am doing
Know you're witnessing the beauty
Of Jesus doing it through me.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Alone again, Unnaturally...
Let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Jenny (Gehni) and I am a wife, mother of three (soon to be four) and recently, begrudgingly, the owner of some sort of little dog. (Where's that dog snatching, wicked witch when you need her?) I will be thirty in June, and hopefully shortly after we will be moving to Alabama. I say hopefully because for the time being, my husband of 7 years works third shift and with the move comes a first shift upgrade. Which actually brings me to the point of this blog. At least it's intentions. I have a great habit of randomly flying off topic and what I set out to have is often geared up to end as something quite altogether different. If this happens, bear with me.
Anywho, at the risk of sounding like a total waa-waa poo-poo head, I miss my husband. He has been a night shifter the majority of our marriage and my tolerance for the whole deal is starting to collapse in on itself. Now let me pause here to say that yes; I am VERY grateful that my husband has a steady income. I am grateful that he is willing to work harder in order to provide better and I LOVE that I can stay home and nurture my children in these early years. (5, 3 & 18months) That being said, being the wife of a third shifter SUCKS!
Blame the preggo hormones, or the long run of recent days on end where the most I get from my husband is a quick "Love ya, hon" as he's out the door for his first shift, second job, but I have found myself needing some sort of reassurance that I am not the only lonely in my position. My search for 3rd shift spouses turned up pretty bland. Most with no children and often they were just beginning their long journey into "as the lonely moon wanes" running through their head, cold beds and the years of compensating for their children's sake.
After 7 years, then optimism seems further and further out of grasp as you find yourself in bed with your ever present pursuer, cynicism.
Now before this turns into a "me" party I have to say that I feel bad for my husband. He works harder than ANY man I have ever met. He is sweet, kind, compassionate, romantic, selfless (should I keep going?) honest, nurturing, and the most AWESOME father ever! I love him to bits and I wish he could be home more. I know this is hard on him and I try to not weight him down with my woe-is-me's as often as I can. I guess what I am looking for are other moms, like me, who truly love their husbands and their families, who have been doing this a long time, who feel like they have had enough but know they can't do a damn thing to change it, to come on over and feel it with me. I'm lonely and I feel like no one gets it. All I get is, " well at least your not..." or " Thank God for..." or " hang in there!" Those are nice things to say, but you can only keep that mantra for so long before the next person who tells you " Chin Up!" is, in your world, asking for a shove in dirt. Of course, I would never do it, but have you ever thought of that? They be all like, " Oh! Why'd you do that?!" and you'd say something cool like, 'That's how I roll! Don't start none, won't be none!" Obviously making no sense, but who would argue with you?
Anyway, if anyone reading this actually 'gets it" please post something. Anything. it would be nice to hear from you.
~J
Anywho, at the risk of sounding like a total waa-waa poo-poo head, I miss my husband. He has been a night shifter the majority of our marriage and my tolerance for the whole deal is starting to collapse in on itself. Now let me pause here to say that yes; I am VERY grateful that my husband has a steady income. I am grateful that he is willing to work harder in order to provide better and I LOVE that I can stay home and nurture my children in these early years. (5, 3 & 18months) That being said, being the wife of a third shifter SUCKS!
Blame the preggo hormones, or the long run of recent days on end where the most I get from my husband is a quick "Love ya, hon" as he's out the door for his first shift, second job, but I have found myself needing some sort of reassurance that I am not the only lonely in my position. My search for 3rd shift spouses turned up pretty bland. Most with no children and often they were just beginning their long journey into "as the lonely moon wanes" running through their head, cold beds and the years of compensating for their children's sake.
After 7 years, then optimism seems further and further out of grasp as you find yourself in bed with your ever present pursuer, cynicism.
Now before this turns into a "me" party I have to say that I feel bad for my husband. He works harder than ANY man I have ever met. He is sweet, kind, compassionate, romantic, selfless (should I keep going?) honest, nurturing, and the most AWESOME father ever! I love him to bits and I wish he could be home more. I know this is hard on him and I try to not weight him down with my woe-is-me's as often as I can. I guess what I am looking for are other moms, like me, who truly love their husbands and their families, who have been doing this a long time, who feel like they have had enough but know they can't do a damn thing to change it, to come on over and feel it with me. I'm lonely and I feel like no one gets it. All I get is, " well at least your not..." or " Thank God for..." or " hang in there!" Those are nice things to say, but you can only keep that mantra for so long before the next person who tells you " Chin Up!" is, in your world, asking for a shove in dirt. Of course, I would never do it, but have you ever thought of that? They be all like, " Oh! Why'd you do that?!" and you'd say something cool like, 'That's how I roll! Don't start none, won't be none!" Obviously making no sense, but who would argue with you?
Anyway, if anyone reading this actually 'gets it" please post something. Anything. it would be nice to hear from you.
~J
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